It has been a while (since I borrowed the book, not having my own copy) but I remember being struck by how firmly it is told from Cordelia's viewpoint. Given this, it seems to me that what we find is her being appalled at the way Koudelka thinks about sex, and his and Drou's general ignorance of it. Barrayaran society is provincial and backward in distressing ways to someone who is Betan; it makes me think that part of her composure in later books is her steeling herself to deal with this kind of backwardness nearly every day.