Confidants

[james]

I was thinking about Cordelia and Alys (as you do) and I realised that because of circumstance (social standing, security clearance), Cordelia and Alys are each other's most appropriate confidant. But I don't know that I think they are actually suited for oen another in personality and such.

Like, when Cordelia arrives on Barrayar, Alys would be the best person to ask questions of (what did he mean by that, so and so did this thing what does it mean). But they also have huge differences, not just the culture they grew up in. Cordelia is married, Alys is a widow. Cordelia is raising a disabled son, Alys' son is healthy. While I don't know they would out-right resent one another, I don't know if either would feel completely comfortable venting and bitching about things that the other could reasonably resent.

I suppose each woman is mature enough to give it a try - if the other called up and said 'omg this thing is driving me nuts' she would listen and make agreeable noises.

But would they be good friends? Would they truly enjoy one another's company and seek it out for any purpose, not just 'society rules dictate I must hang out with you and not someone else.'

Not that either one would feel required to follow social rules. But with all the family secrets and security, and the ease of just finding someone to connect with - it'd be easiest to turn to one another. Of course the books don't really show either woman having friends, or a life outside their children and husband.

Which means what I really want is for someone to write a story or two. ;-)

Comments

[beatrice_otter]

The thing is, one of the most crucial components of who becomes a close friend is not "how much are our personalities compatible" but "how much time do we spend together." Even when you have very little in common with someone, if you spend a lot of time together over the course of years, unless you actively dislike them, you will become close to them and really care about them. Even if they're someone you would never have chosen for a friend in the first place.

[philomytha]

Well, I have a friend who's a widow and I'm not, and I have a disabled son and she doesn't, and we come from different countries... I'm not sure those are the things that determine whether or not people are compatible. Mutual experience of trauma, even if totally different kinds of trauma, can be a common bond, though on Barrayar being a widow is sadly not unusual. Being the mother of a perceived mutie is definitely not something Cordelia will have in common with anyone. I bet even parents of sick children have a hard time and have to keep it to themselves.

The huge contrast they have is their attitude towards Barrayaran social rules and etiquette, though there is an underlying hidden commonality formed by Alys's experience giving birth to Ivan - it gets mentioned iirc in ACC that men who won't countenance replicators can't find Babas to work for them and Cordelia loves this but I bet it's Alys who's behind it - but Alys by and large enforces social etiquette, while Cordelia violates it at whim.

We get shown that Cordelia is quite critical of Alys's parenting of Ivan, at least in speaking to third parties, but at the same time, she has empathy for them both. We never really see what Alys thinks of Cordelia's parenting...

But shared experiences are probably the strongest foundation to build a friendship on, especially shared danger and teamwork, and Alys and Cordelia have that in spades, first from everything during Vordarian's Pretendership and then to whatever extent they worked together navigating the Regency.

[legionseagle]

They go through a war situation together. That's much more likely to end in them bonding than any of their perceived differences.